I Am Nothing But A Vessel

I AM NOTHING BUT A VESSEL.

I am nothing but a vessel.

I am nothing but a vessel of love;
The sharp, stinging, poisoned kind
That's needy and jealous and burns so strong,
That burns like the midday Arab sun,
But keeps itself hidden for shame.

I am nothing but a vessel of anger;
The brutish, jackhammer, psycho-killer anger
That is never expressed but for the times
It is bellowed and screamed in context-less obscenities
In a car or in a field or in a forest
And keeps itself hidden for shame.

I am nothing but a vessel of misery;
The wash-it-away-with-sad-songs,
Drown-it-in-cheep-whiskey,
Burn-it-away-with-a-hot-teaspoon,
Why-the-hell-do-I-hate-me-so-much kind of misery;
The six-shooter-in-the-top-drawer,
Suicide-contingency-plan,
Exhaust-fume-is-the-most-peaceful-way,
Perhaps-I'll-just-drop-off-a-cliff,
What-is-the-point-anyway kind of misery;
The you're-not-with-me,
She'll-never-love-me,
I'll-never-win,
I'M-SO-LONELY kind of misery.

I am nothing but a vessel,
I am not Me, I can't be,
When I was Me I was happier,
I am nothing but a vessel,
Nothing, nothing, nothing but a vessel,
I am nothing but a vessel of cancerous love,
I am nothing but a vessel of bleeped-out anger,
I am nothing but a vessel of self-destructive misery,
I am nothing but a vessel.

I am nothing.

I am nothing but a vessel.